A letter from a father to his son.


I cannot fix you or make it go away
I see the frustration in your eyes I know what you want to say
I cannot explain why or how you became this way
I cannot take it back, I wish I could every day

I cannot stop the tears from rolling down your face
When your Daddy takes you back to hospital, I know you hate that place
I wish I was smarter or knew that what I am doing is right, when the mask goes on and I say goodnight

When Dr’s tell me “We have tried everything there is no other way”
I cannot make you the same, just ordinary, plain, everyday
I will be there for you, the moment you wake
When the drugs wear off and you think “Dad for fucks sake”

What have you done to me and why am I here?
I trusted you
This is my biggest fear

No matter what I will always be by your side
It’s my job and I will do it with pride
Through the anger, frustration and pain
I will help you be you, not simply same same

As you face the painful crawl back out of this labyrinth
I will be your safety your centre your strength
If it helped I would make a deal with death
I would give you everything even my last breath

My heart is forever fractured inside for the pain you will feel
I will guide you through your life that to you must be so surreal
One sentence is all that is needed to express how I feel
You are my Son and I love you, that much I know is real.

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